Hey y’all! If you’ve stumbled across my blog chances are you’re a fellow Cyster struggling with PCOS. The struggle is REAL! Ugh!
With this being my first blog post I’m going to talk a little about myself and how PCOS has affected my life. With this being my first post, it will be lengthy so fair warning!! I promise my future ones won’t be so long!!! There are a lot of us out there, many women don’t even know they have PCOS!!! My goal with this blog is to share my story, spread awareness, meet some awesome people, and hear your stories and advice!
So you’re probably wondering who I am, y’all can call me Cece. I’m 26 years YOUNG and I live in the great state of Mississippi (may be stretchin that a bit).
I am happily married to my wonderful husband that I’ve been with for a little over 4 years, married for one. I am a mother to an absolutely wonderful, handsome, amazing baby boy! Yes I can’t believe I’m a mother!!! Something I once thought was just a dream has become reality for me!
I found out I had PCOS when I was 22 years old. I started taking birth control at a young age – around 13 – to help with my awful acne and irregular periods. Little did I know my body was suffering from PCOS and the birth control was masking it from me. Shortly after my husband and I had met and had been dating a few months, I had quit taking my birth control. Not on purpose, mostly because of my lack of responsibility. I had ran out and didn’t get it refilled right away. Right away turned into 6 months. For about 2 years before that, my periods had always been kind of irregular even with the BC, so I figured it was no big deal because it’s not like it was doing its job. About a month after being off the BC I felt different, mostly tired and lazy. It just kept getting worse and worse. During that six month period I went from weighing 135 pounds to 180, and only having 3 periods. I had never weighed that much before in my life, and while my periods have always kind of been irregular they were never that irregular. I finally realized something was really wrong. I made an appointment with my doctor, thinking I had a thyroid problem. She had ordered several blood tests to determine what the issue was. About a week after I had the labs done, I had received a call saying that my thyroid was fine and that everything else they had tested for came back negative. Hearing that really sucked, I didn’t want anything to be wrong with me, but that meant my weight gain and body issues were my own fault. How? I did not understand! I had been dieting trying to shed the weight, taking energy supplements, everything I could to get back to normal. A week later while I was at work I had gotten a call from the doctor, one last test had come back, the testosterone test. When I told her they had already called and said everything came back fine that there must be some mistake, she told me that test had to be sent to a different lab than the others. She proceeded to tell me that based on the test results that came back I had PCOS. I had what? Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. She tried explaining to me what it was but my head was spinning and I just couldn’t pay attention to her. I had something wrong with me, I couldn’t get past that at the moment. After hanging up with her I immediately went to Google and typed it in. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomache as I read about what PCOS is, the symptoms, how it will affect me, and there is no cure!!! I called my mom crying, not knowing what would happen next. After following up with my doctor she gave me 500mg Metformin and some new BC. Okay, with the medicine I can be back to normal in no time. That’s what I thought. I had no idea that PCOS would soon define who I was and that I would become a stranger to myself.
Here I am shortly before gaining the weight and being diagnosed with PCOS
I really felt a little better shortly after starting the Metformin. I started dieting again and hoped I’d be back to normal soon. I would never get below 175 no matter what I did. I soon felt myself getting more tired, more lazy, more withdrawn from my everyday life. I became really depressed, I quit doing things I had enjoyed doing such as hanging out with my friends and different activities. I made an appointment with my doctor and she had given me an antidepressant. Celexa to be exact, and this was about a year after being diagnosed with PCOS. I felt a change in myself shortly after starting the medicine. It turned out to just be a small change, I felt a bit more energized in the morning but that was it. After a few more months I went back to the doctor and she increased my Celexa to the highest dose, and my Metformin to 1000MG. I again felt a bit of a change, but not much. Eventually I would get worse. I didn’t hang out with my friends anymore, I hated going out, I quit taking care of myself. I was so depressed and had no energy at all! There were a lot of times I wouldn’t even shower! I went from always dressing up, hair and makeup done, to doing none of that at all. I started eating a lot more and just really let myself go. Luckily my cysts never bothered me too bad, every now and then I’d get these bursts of pain that last a minute or so and then it’s gone. But I have no idea how my husband put up with me!!! My behavior and habits really bothered him and it did create a strain on our relationship. I just could not understand, I did not want to be this way!!! I even let my emotions affect my financial responsibilities, getting myself into debt, because I turned to materialistic things to make me happy. I got to the point where I even missed my insurance payments for a few months. I had enough meds to get me through until I could get my insurance going again, but I did run out of BC again and never bothered to get it refilled. What was the point? My chances of getting pregnant were slim to none and my periods were still irregular.
A Little Miracle
Eventually I got back on my feet financially and in November of 2014 I married my husband. While on our honeymoon I found a large lump in my left breast. I felt sick to my stomach!!! Once we got back I made an appointment to get it checked out. By the time my appointment came the lump was gone. The doctor felt a very small lump, I guess what was once the large lump, and she sent me to get an ultrasound. Turns out that breast is fibrocystic, and I had some irritation or an infection that caused it to swell. What a relief.
I didn’t have my period in December. No big deal, I didn’t have a period every month. During that time I’d have a period every other month. January came around and no period. My breasts also became sore. I decided I’d buy a pregnancy test just to rule that out. My husband and I used no protection or caution, I mean I really thought I couldn’t get pregnant. I left work one day on my lunch break and bought a 98 cent test from Walmart and went back to work to take it. I can’t even describe the feeling I had when those two lines appeared as soon as I had set it down. I think mostly shock. I mean this couldn’t be real. I’m not supposed to have a child so easily. There’s really a tiny baby inside of my stomach??? As much as I wanted to call my hubby right away I decided to wait, I wanted to tell him in person. We decided to have pizza for dinner that night and I had picked it up on my way home. I decided to wrap the pregnancy test in a napkin and stick it in the box with my husbands chicken wings! BTW the wings were wrapped in foil, so nothing was touched by the test. LOL.
I got home and brought the food into the kitchen and waited eagerly for him to open the box. He just kept talking and talking. I remember thinking just shut up and open the damn box already!!! I was so nervous! I was excited but mostly nervous. He finally opened it, and asked me what the hell it was. He thought it was some kind of joke! I had bought 2 tests at Walmart that day and still had the other, so I had to take it to show him it wasn’t a joke! Once he realized this was the real deal he was excited and so shocked! We were really having our little miracle! A complete surprise but boy were we so happy and thankful!!!
My pregnancy wasn’t too bad. I had some morning sickness, and extreme insomnia. About midway through my pregnancy I started getting really depressed and having a lot of mood swings. It didn’t help that I had to quit taking my antidepressant as instructed by my doctor for the health of my baby and myself.
The last month of my pregnancy my feet and legs were so swollen, my blood pressure was always high, and I was put on bed rest.
In September 2015 we welcomed my sweet precious baby boy. My water had broke on its own and I was in labor for about 5 hours before having an emergency C-section due to some complications. Everything was so worth it, we are such proud parents and are SO thankful to have our amazing bundle of joy!!!
This is me now, with my little man ❤
The Journey Continues
Now that I am a mother I just can’t get my mind off of needing to get myself back to normal. I’ve been suffering with a bit of post partum depression in addition to my PCOS which has not gotten any better. I’m still taking 1000mg Metformin daily and my doctor just switched my antidepressant to Wellbutrin. So far I am really not liking it. I started at 150mg and felt no change, I actually felt worse. I just couldn’t control my emotions at all! I also had a lot of side affects, nausea, heart flutters, fatigue. I’ve been bumped up to 300mg now and really don’t feel much better. I’m slowly getting my appetite back and I am now at my pre pregnancy weight of 188. (I weighed about 220 at the time I gave birth, and immediately lost all of the weight except for 10 pounds.). I’m still very depressed, I have no energy, no sex drive, no hobbies (partly why I created this blog), I don’t feel like myself. The other morning I looked in the mirror at myself, and I cried! I didn’t recognize who I was, it was like I was looking at a complete stranger!!! I do not want to live my life this way!!! I have an amazing husband and son who deserve to have the best of me and it kills me that I’ve been unable to give that to them. But I am determined to change! Im putting together a diet for myself to lose the weight, and have got some supplements coming in that will hopefully help. I’ll be showing those off once I get them in! I am ready to make the change, I am ready to be myself again. This is my journey and I’m documenting all of it!
If you’ve managed to make it through this whole post – Thank you!!! Thank you for taking time out of your life to listen to me!
Is there any way you can relate? Have you felt the same way? How did you get through it? I look forward to hearing from other cysters!
Until next time – xoxo